The 7 Reasons Why Black People Always Die First In Scary Movies
I believe that we have all watched our fair share of scary movies.
We’ve all seen the opening of a movie, with a woman in the shower. She hears a noise and says, “hello?” And the audience sighs because she gave her location away to the killer. Now imagine a black woman in the shower. She will have her shower cap on and will hear ALL. If she understands anything, it won’t be a hello. It’ll be a goodbye, she will either fight or flight.
Imagine your top ten picks and then try to recall the black character in each those films. Did they die off first? Were they killed towards the beginning or middle of the movie? Yeah, let me clue you in as to why.
- We do not play by any of the rules:
You know those typical ghost stories? Where there is running water, or the doors are slammed or closed behind you while you're brushing your teeth? Yeah, WE don't play that. We would confront it.
"Look here ghost, if you're going to be slamming the door and running water in my house you need to pay some bills around here. My light bill is already high, and I don't need you flickering lights on and off because you are bored. You either need to cross your ass over and say your goodbyes or pick up the tab. Invisible or not". The Ghost will pay bills or help provide. They usually leave, they prefer a more passive household.
- The movie would never exist:
- We run when other people run:
- We don't like to swim, so that pretty much debunks any movie with rivers or lakes:
- We aren't curious to check things out. We believe you:
The only time you will ever see blacks investigate is if we are in a relationship. We could find out how many beats per second our lover has when they lie, but if we hear any weird noises in the house, we are out. Do floorboards creak in old houses? Yes, but if I hear sound in my brand new home, and I hear children laughing, and I don't have kids, I will walk my ass out of that house saying “It's yours” and chunk up the deuce. At this point, this isn't a ghost; this is a demon, an entity. I don't get how people can fight back demons and yell “It's our house.” Um. No, it isn't. It's rightfully theirs. CLEARLY, they were here first. That demon would live the next six months rent free, messing with me. I said in step 1 that we confront Casper. Not Jasper, (J)ust (A)nother (S)pirit (P)hantom (E)agerly (R)eaping its rewards Satan has laid out for him in my household. Like the bible says, Jesus put a song in my heart, but he also set a pep in my step. I'm Out.
- We don't split up. We stick together:
Um. We are scary. Why does everyone split up when people are stronger together? Characters are always running off and investigating with no type of weapons or flashlights. Like what is their PLAN? Then they run and act as they have never participated in any physical activity in their lives. An ankle is always twisted, and the character moves like the leg was amputated when they drag it across the ground screaming. Man if you don't get up and run, your adrenaline should be pumping to the point where you shouldn't even feel that. We know that if we stick together, we are less likely to get shot in the nighttime because someone couldn't see us.
- We do not over think:
Um. Hello? Don't respond to the phone. Change your number. Or in fact, text them "new phone who dis."
Example 2: Or how about those characters who always end up losing their phone and try to locate it somewhere in the woods, "Girl/Boy.... leave that phone out there. I know you have insurance? We can file a claim and replace it. YOU have the money because we are in a deluxe cabin in the middle of nowhere." Or where is your smartwatch? See if you stopped pretending like you were too good for the technology you would have had a backup line. Besides we all know whenever they find the phone and try to call someone, they won't have any cell phone service because every writer in the movies gives their character Sprint or Cricket. We all know damn well AT&T, and Verizon gets service EVERYWHERE. I don't ever want to see anybody say they have no reception and there is a Verizon or AT&T signal on their device. #Alternative Facts
Even movies like "The Ring" wouldn’t work with us as the star. If a lady is climbing out my TV talking about I have seven days, I will call Best Buy and sue. “Um, sir I bought this TV brand new, it is leaking water, and a whole b**** is climbing out of my television talking about I have seven days. Is this still covered under Warranty if I beat her ass?”
Think about it, almost every ghost TV show or movie, if not all, do not involve us as the main characters. Would the TV show "Supernatural" be 12 seasons if the cast was all black? HECK no. I would have personally left in the opening credits of the show. I would look straight into the lens of the Camera like I am on "The Office," and say "You said I'm fighting a what?"
Would the TV show "Lost" have lasted as long if blacks were the main characters? Why were they lost for six seasons? But, then again, we probably would have been lost even longer, since we do not swim.